Gwar: The Strangest Interview You'll Ever Read...
Mike Hess
7/14/2002 8:40:46 PM

"It’s going to be death, carnage and lots of juicy close ups of GWAR eating people."

I don’t even know where to begin on this – my interview with Dave Brockie, aka Oderus of GWAR is so ridiculous, it doesn’t need an intro. Just read.

I hear you guys are recording a video with your time from the tour. What song is it for, and what’s the video like?

It’s a video for “Immortal Corruptor”, and we’re doing the bloodiest, sickest most foul GWAR video ever created. And we’re gonna do one that kind of emphasizes the music and the foulness, we’re not gonna mush a whole storyline and plot into there. It’s going to be death, carnage and lots of juicy close ups of GWAR eating people.

Nice. Sooooo, nothing we’ll see on TV?

No. It’s definitely not made to get on MTV or any other thing. Maybe they’ll play it on the MTVX, maybe in Europe and Canada and shit, but it’s a long song and they were like ‘Should we animate it?’ and I’m like ‘fuck that’ and they’re like ‘should we do a safe version?’ and we’re all NO, fuck that, we want to make one we really think is cool and the fans are gonna get into. That’s the way it should be. The fuckin thing won’t get on MTV anyway. If they want a video from your band, the label will make one for them. We make our videos on a shoestring budget, it’s all our own equipment. We don’t do it to get on MTV, we do it to fulfill our own sickening vision. If we don’t do stuff like that it keeps us up at night with horrible, horrible hallucinations.

What’s the normal process for designing the stage set, the props and all the people you kill?

We go through extensive meeting processes, there’s a lot of brainstorming both public and private and we just sort of coalesce onto ideas. Sometimes it works and sometimes it’s not so great. We’ll collect all of our ideas, write the script at that point, and we crank it out.

So you just all sit down and say “Who do we want to kill this time around?”

Yeah. We talk about ideas and see who’s a good victim and who needs to get the shit kicked out of them. We wait as long as possible until the tour is right there so we can have timely victims. We really lucked out with Tyson on this last one. He hadn’t done anything bad in a while, we just felt that he’s gotta fuck up soon. He’s gotta be back in the news with something vile, and the next thing you know he’s punching out some guy at a press conference. And you can’t go wrong with the Pope, Osama Bin Laden and George Bush. Everyone wants to see them die.

On stage and in your music, you guys have some twisted political views. If the shit hit the fan tomorrow, and you were made President of the US, what are some of the first things Oderus would do?

He would abolish the human race. It would be illegal to be human, and the penalty would be death. The police and the army would be spared, and they’d be given drugs and alcohol and women, so they can round up all the other humans and help Oderus with that. Then they’d set up huge death camps and they’d be used to help to slaughter the other ones. Now the whole time this is happening, Oderus and the rest of GWAR would be having their celebrity roast in front of the White House. We’d invite all of Hollywood, and all the business and government communities and it’s the big, giant party where people were forced to eat themselves. At that point, Oderus would break out the nuclear football, and start pushing buttons and raining nukes across the sky and devastate the planet. Then we’d just steal a space shuttle and split.

Where would you go in the rocket?

I think we’d just point it somewhere, and then just blaze it out until the engines ran out of fuel and then we’d just pick up a passing zorg barge.

Uhhh, whatever that might be. What sort of stuff does Oderus like to do in his spare time?

Ohhh, fuck. Fuck and think about fucking. Sit in his big human leather Lazy Boy recliner, this horrible Ed Gein thing with a big beer cooler built into it. A lot like the normal Joe. Just instead of bottles of beer, it’s the skulls of children filled with brain. Instead of football on TV, it’s intergalactic midget cleaving. There’s subtle differences, but basically he’s just a regular guy.

When Oderus is in costume, he’s got a massive fake penis attached to his groin. Has the penis gotten bigger as each tour comes around? Does it grow bigger with your ego, or maybe is it a Pinocchio type thing…or is there some shrinkage with time?

It swelled over the years with the millions dollars I’ve made. As my feelings of inadequacy grow, the penis gets bigger and bigger. Rationalization, displacement, ya know.

Alrighty, here’s a good one. Ok, avoiding the four people you kill on stage in your last tour, name three people you’d like to see completely vanish from this earth.

Courtney Love first, just shot down dead in some sleazy hotel….No! Drug overdose. NO! Raped and eaten by pigs. Oh! What about drawn and quartered? Eaten by pigs while being drawn and quartered. She’s just gross. I know she’s an easy target, but I think a lot of people would be happy if she’s dead. Not that it’s my job to make people happy, but I know I’d be happy.

Number 2…Carrot Top. Gotta kill Carrot Top, you just gotta (moaning in disgust). What is up with him? He looks like he hangs out with Michael Jackson, he doesn’t have any eyebrows and he’s not getting old.

Finally, some famous soccer or football player from some weird country I’ve never heard of before. Hopefully they’ll win the World Cup, it’ll be a Cinderella story…they’re coming home, like Pago Pago beats Britain in the World Cup. Britain used to colonize Pago Pago and fuck their mothers and stuff like that. So they come home, there’s a big parade, and the star player just (yelps) has a heart attack and dies in front of everyone. So yea, Courtney love, Carrot Top and some obscure soccer player from Pago Pago. Though I guess he wouldn’t be obscure in Pago Pago.

Good point. Lots would say that your constant glorification and fetish towards violence is a cover up for homosexuality. Thoughts?

A cover up? We’ve never made it a secret that we’re omnisexual. We’ll fuck anything, it doesn’t have to move or be alive. It could be a hole in the ground, or it could be your baby brother. In a child’s eyes you can see tears, and in those tears you can see yourself, and making this child cry makes us feel good, and that’s always been our way. If I were in jail, and I was told I was going to have my freedom of religion, they’d have to let me fuck children. I mean, what do I have to do, be a priest in order to get away with it? Cover up? I say it out loud in “Have You Seen Me”. I say “I’m Gay and I’m Proud!”, as I pump my fist towards the heavens.

But in all reality, we support gay people anyway. I don’t think there are any gay people in GWAR, but we support it. A lot of people in bands are gay. A lot of lead singers, I’m not going to name any names, but I’ll say this. Of the top ten heavy bands in music today that are successful, 8 of the 10 lead singers are gay. They’re all gay and they’re all sucking each other off constantly. Gay people are cool, man!

What do you think about bands like Slipknot, Mudvayne and others that sort of take your whole thing…(he interrupts)

And find a way to make money from it? Hats off to ‘em! May they have a long healthy run as rock gods. I can’t say I’m even familiar with what they do. A bunch of satan imagery, and Devo jumpsuits and some scary masks that look like they came from Spencer's doesn’t do it for me. Some mascara smeared on your face, and some stupid looking hair. No. Maybe the kids just lost me. I’m in love with everything we do, so I don’t have the time to appreciate anything else. Hopefully we influenced them, and I think it’s obvious that we did. We’re still cutting edge as far as what’s sick and naughty and foul and horrible. It’s just what we do. It’s so different than what bands like that do. They just play music, we’re presenting theater. I’d like to see someone take it to the level that we have. Rob Zombie sort of did it, but that was really bubble-gummy. Make it into rock-and-roll Shakespeare, and don’t be afraid to fuck some shit up. But don’t get me wrong, they’re cool. Who wouldn’t like scary clown rock? The whole rap thing I sour out on. Anyone can get out there and string a bunch of words together. It’s a continual, snotty, self-righteous, aggressive for no reason, shallow of intellect. It’s a turnoff. I need more meat in my music. But then again, I’m more critical than ever. All these bands come along and sell more records than me, so I’m jealous. At least I admit it though.

No offense, but Dave Brockie is boring. Let’s go back to Oderus. What do his daily meals consist of?

When you’re Oderus, life is one giant meal. It starts when you’re born, and you just keep eating constantly from there. There’s just unlimited courses, limitless varieties of delectable morsels. Right now I’m eating blondes, but there is a brunette coming to town tomorrow. The typical gamut.


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