THE MATRIX RELOADED
By
Dan Graney
5/13/2003 4:06:23 PM

Well, for many, the long wait is over. The Matrix Reloaded is finally here. Fanboys around the world have clung to every tidbit of rumor, each morsel of information their sweaty little hands could wring from the Internet, anything that would offer some new detail about the highly-anticipated sequel. But their lives are only going to get worse, because now the long wait really begins: The grand finale, the big bang, the last stand, doesn't come till November, when The Matrix Revolutions hits theaters. After seeing Reloaded, that's way too long.

To give away much (Time Magazine, you suck!) would be like inviting all of you to kick my ass. Well, you may want to, but I'm not saying much and you're not invited. Does it live up to the hype? Does anything? Ever? If you're like the Comic Book Guy on The Simpsons, you'll probably be disappointed. But you're probably still pissed about Farscape getting cancelled, so you'll get over it.

I will say this: this movie is big. No, wait, I mean BIG! If you haven't seen the original Matrix then go away, I don't want to talk to you. Don't come back until you've seen it, and don't bother going to the sequels. But for anybody who has found themselves caught up in The Matrix universe-- it's an amalgamation of action flick, religious iconography, philosophy and fetishwear, and you'll enjoy Reloaded. You should also know that it is, essentially, the first half of a long movie.

And what's happened since The Matrix brought words like "Trinity" and "bullet-time" to everyday conversations? Neo has powers; sure. We got a glimpse of them towards the end of the first movie, but they've gotten much stronger. In essence, this is one of the best Superman movies ever (unless you count that one with Richard Pryor, whoo-hoo, that was the best).

Along with Neo, the rest of humanity who are not plugged into The Matrix live in Zion, like hairless 9-volt batteries in goo soup, a sort of wasteland / nightclub of hot naked people who like to party when they aren't being attacked by giant killer robots. Of course, as they always do, the giant killer robots interrupt the party. So it's back to The Matrix.

Then there's crazy kung fu, lots of Agent Smiths, a car chase that makes you wonder how they ever filmed it, Monica Belucci (Brotherhood of the Wolf), Kung Fu, freaky twin thingies, explosions, Kung Fu, and Monica Belucci. Also, Monica Belucci is in it.

That's about all I really care to say, because the details would ruin the experience. I will give you some of my reactions, while watching The Matrix Reloaded: "Holy crap!", "What the hell?", "Oooo", "uh" and "Fuuuuu?" (Trust me, they're all good.)

THE BOTTOM LINE:
5 out of 5 - After seeing this, you'll only have seen part of the picture? the rest is showing in November, and you have a very long wait.



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