Bad Boys II: Very, very Bad
By
Dan Graney
7/18/2003 11:27:21 AM

Here's a movie that makes "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City" look like a little girl's backyard tea party. It also makes mediocre movies look better by comparison. But it's not for lack of explosions, flying corpses, booty shaking, exploding bodies, bouncing severed heads, car crashes, stupid white rednecks, Cuban kingpins, slow-motion head-shooting, Russian kingpins, or ecstasy-dropping hoochie mamas. Over the top is an understatement-- But even Over The Top (the arm-wrestling movie starring Sylvester Stallone) was a better movie.

There really is no plot; that's apparent as the film opens with some international drug czars dropping off a major shipment of ecstasy off the coast of Miami. And who's going to help them? Why, none other than the KKK.

From there, well, I don't even know anymore. It's a teeny, tiny thread of a story strung between explosions. Sometimes the action is in real-time, sometimes it's in slow-mo. Sometimes the camera is zoomed in really close, sometimes it's far away. Basically, Michael Bay had a big list of cool new camera tricks to try, and then he threw one in whenever he realized there was no story.

It's a loud movie. It's a bloody movie. It's also a bad movie. And it's a very long movie. I think everyone involved is hoping that the loud and bloody parts are enough to distract you from the bad and very long parts, which is all of it.


THE BOTTOM LINE:
1 out of 5: Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay want your money. And they seem to think that explosions, flying corpses, booty shaking, exploding bodies, bouncing severed heads, car crashes, stupid white rednecks, Cuban kingpins, slow-motion head-shooting, Russian kingpins, and ecstacy-dropping hoochie mamas is enough for you to give it to them. Or you could save yourself the 2 1/2 hours of wincing and head scratching and just chuck your money out your window.




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