Metal Rules... Well, Rules!
Mike Hess
6/2/2002 11:09:39 AM

The ‘80s metal double-disc compilation, Metal Rules [Razor & Tie] takes the average Poison or Winger fan, castrates them, and shows them that even the decade of decadence had some ass-kickers in the background. If you had a denim jacket, this isn’t for you. If you had a mullet, it surely is. If you still have a mullet, go to the barber shop and tell him you don’t want to look like an asshole anymore, in the words of the great Wesley Willis.

Starting off Disc One is “Peace Sells” by Megadeth, a track that I bet every one in this country is familiar with, but doesn't even know it. Know that bassline at the end of MTV News spots… ya know, the “You Hear It… First” one? “Peace Sells” begins with that thundering bassline, probably the only time Megadeth has been on the "music" station (though they don’t get any props for it). Followed up by the Judas Priest classic “Breaking The Law”, and then Anthrax’s hysterical, yet right-on stab at censorship “I’m The Man”. When is the head-up-their-ass media going to realize that it was Anthrax who started the rap-metal trend, only they’re ignored it because they did it 10 years before that asshead Fred Durst came around. Any song that starts with a Sam Kinison sample and plays the Jewish folk song “Hava Nagila” with a distorted metal guitar is kick-ass in my book. You guys friggin rule, no matter what the PMRC says.

Disc One is the more mainstream disc, with sort-of-big bands like Pantera’s “Cemetary Gates” (check out Dimebag Darrell’s ridiculous chorus riff), GWAR’s “Sick Of You” and even Black Sabbath’s “Heaven & Hell”. There is definitely a weak spot in the middle, as most won’t be able to stomach extreme metal vets Cannibal Corpse, but by throwing Ministry’s epic “N.W.O” in at track 13, it’s like a turbulent plane that just leveled off, with everyone letting out a collective sigh of relief.

Disc Two is more hardcore at times than it is metal, as it boasts undergound faves like Suicidal Tendencies “You Can’t Bring Me Down”, Biohazard’s “Punishment”, and Downset ripping it up in “Anger”. Fear not, mainstream metalheads, Disc Two also rocks out with Motorhead’s “Ace Of Spades”, possibly the first thrash metal song written, and Faith No More’s radio-friendly “Epic”.

As stated before, this is no sissy monster ballad-type of disc. It’s for those unfortunate enough to grow up during the ‘80s looking for metal by men that didn’t look like Zsa Zsa Gabor. The only thing missing is a Slayer track. What were you thinking, Razor & Tie?

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